(Some) Stzbility Regained

the theme of fraudulence has echoed through my week, haunted my monopoly playing with the high school students, coloured my phone calls with friends and even cast its shadow over the first crawling demonstration of a baby.

Twas as exceptional question - the real emotional impact behind the question asked of me on the weekend was about the purpose of what I do....yes, i have realised I am a long way from my ideal of me..no, I am not doing all that i would like to be doing..and, harder to admit, that which i did unknowingly and freely before has been constrained and distorted by my own fear of failure...and fear of not matching up to the other blogs (and lives) i read.

but it doesn't make it worthless..a sage reminded me that i am yet an apprentice in the meaning pulling world - and judging my actions in terms of skills will always find me short; devaluing the soldiers of faith who are the churches heritage doesn't honour either them or me; and thinking that i have to have done it all will stop me from trying

and even more importantly the analogy that my weekend brunch companion and i were could be perceived to be in a very similar place on the map - in the borders around it with the dragons - but that we were facing in different directions which is what made it sound the same but feel so different

so for now i am soothed but not satisfied
as always the prophetic reminds us
of both the now and the not yet
and prompts remorse and action