Emotions of Bethlehem

Jerusalem 5 December2010

A day with Aimee

Fear – approaching the checkpoint on the blue (Palestinian) bus and facing the unknown of the process having heard many horror stories. But my privilege being evident – I could come at a quiet time and be waved straight through – the front of my passport being sufficient to allow me transit. And coming out the Palestinian side where there are cages like in a prison which felt horrible – maybe the T/F difference is that it made Allison feel sick.

Vulnerability – waiting beyond the taxi melee for Aimee feeling very other.

Pleasure – at seeing a familiar face in a dehumanizing place

True joy - attending worship at the Christmas Lutheran Church – the thoughtfulness of a crib sheet in English and one of the lessons being read in English, celebrating eucharist with the congregation there and the taste of the cinnamon in the bread dipped in the communion wine, the utter joy of the final song where not understanding a word what I heard clearly was these people's incredible sense of joy and faith in the midst of their lives – yes I cried, the colours from the stained glass windows on the wall beside me during the sermon, Mitri's voice during the sermon.

Stirring up – listening to the lunch discussion about what the next squeeze could possibly be here, the closure of route 60 to Palestinian traffic, the fear for friends illegally in Jerusalem, strategies for staying sane in this work; work being done and famers who are losing their land being spoken to, the distrust of the UN, and the hope of small differences being made.

Frivolity – the milk grotto where Mary allegedly breastfed turning the cave white – you had to smile in the midst of the somberness and commercialization. And walking through the streets with someone who is known – meaning we need to stop to exchange hellos constantly.

Attentiveness – in listening to Aimee's reflection about how everything has changed but how will people understand that, of how to talk about the system being the problem not the individual people and how that can help non-resistance, questions of what next and coming home. And especially in the refugee camp – looking at the faces, the art on the walls of the boy with no face, the kids playing in the streets, the buckets of cement being pulleyed up, the warmth of the woman who looked straight into our faces to say "hello" and realizing that I was welcome in this place despite the media portrayal of stone throwing and violence, seeing the stain of oppression all around.

Welcome – into the EAs home to find a community where one can sip water with the ex head of part of the Lutheran church and him having listened deeply enough to me to comment on the difficulty of doing two roles as I do.

Stoicism – facing the checkpoint on the way out knowing there'd be a metal detector – finding it not even manned but still people walk back through it repeatedly removing belts and shoes for the pure power trip of it; the pity I felt for the Mum with two girls before us who had to take her shoes off, waiting with the girls who'd gone ahead while she put her shoes back on, the horror of watching a handscan being declined in front of us, the unfairness that it was so easy for me – no-one wants to scan my hand because it holds an Australian passport.

An emotionful day indeed.